Coming to America

Coming to America
Papia H. Sah

For reasons too many and too idealistic to pen, I have predominantly had very strong opinions about moving to the "land of opportunities". All said and done, and for those who have tolerated my monologues on how "stupid" it is to want to move out of India, I am much disgruntled with my 'catch 22' situation! If you haven't figured it out, I'm here! How? … Well, as couples stupidly says their vows together, most without realizing what it means (not the case for me, which is even more frustrating)… I said mine too, “For better or for worse,” ...so, that's how I'm here; from what I gather it's not even a novel enough reason, 70% of people share that in common with me as a chief reason for immigration to the US! grrr … More insult to my "whatidliketobelieveasmyintellectualnonclichedpersonna" !(MS Word is having trouble with that word; on second thoughts, so am I-are you too?)
As I believe is natural, once out of synch with one's roots, one tends to be more ID fanatic; so me being no exception, I embarked on my journey to spread enlightenment about “India” to the so called ill-informed “junta” here. I had this strong urge to “educate” the “American” about “India.” You will soon realize reading more of my writing (not much reason to want to, but just in case being a fulltime miserable strikes you as a good profession) that I tend to use “quotes” around terms when I almost always have the deadly feeling that if someone asked me too closely about them, I will have trouble telling my elbow from my hind about it! Anyways, aren't I such a great digresser? Which makes me say, “…coming back to the point.” (Notice the “ ”)
Recap: Embarked on my journey to spread enlightenment…
A lot of the times I had a rapt audience who were genuinely enlightened with trivia about India. I think a significant reason for such ignorance has a very good reason… there still isn't a published “For DUMMIES -- getting to know the world” version in print. Hopefully, my entrepreneur will latch onto that in time (I should probably sue someone who steals my business idea, after all it's the US -- best way to handle bankruptcy. The juntaa here for sure has progressed from the days of visualizing snake charmers on the roads in India all the time. Thanks to CNN, they now think there are only Orange Bandanas and Devdases. It took me a long time to explain to explain to them that there are also a lot of Charan Dases and Hari Dases as Shekhar Suman put it in his interview with Sanjay Bhansali, and that someday soon Bollywood would put their stories also on the screen.
The informed socialite of the cultural capital (New York) here are the handful that do watch BBC news and participate in anti-war protest marches; it's even harder to convince this “informed” group that Dominique Lapierre wrote City of Joy based on a particular area in the world's most dreaded hellhole… Calcutta, and that all of India can't be described on the basis of that, even though poignant stories like that are based in real settings.
The “cultural capital” of the US brings to light an interesting conversation an Italian friend here narrated to me. Sandra… (I just remembered I'm in the USA! All characters mentioned henceforth are purely fictitious and a product of the author's imagination. Hey! After all I'm a designer; visualization is a honed skill I have)…
Where was I? … Yes… Sandra's mum was visiting from Italy, and since Sandra was at work most of the time, she suggested some Community College Classes to her mother to kill time. On visiting some of the best here, she brought back a 40-page catalog with 6-point text print on American History. The course was for 16 weeks and had 5 credits. Her mum summed it all in one go: “I had no idea Americans had enough history to cover that much course material.” Much as we disregard the outdated generation, that was wisdom pouring good and gold!
On one of my trips up North, I saw banners flashing “WORLD CANOEING CHAMPIONSHIP” all along the road to the prestigious Princeton University. My guide was showing me around the homes of some of the most famous characters in Princeton, Albert Einstein, John Nash, etc, but I did not want to miss out on any international event (I miss Cricket awfully!). I reached the canoeing competition and… “World” here means the 48 US States… Damn! Damn! Damn… the kids in the Kerela backwaters can canoe before the overgrown Ivy League intellectuals can spell their names!
Baseball… hotdogs… Baseball… cheerleaders, give me Cricket World cup any day! Truly world class. Okay, so the Indian team has been a shame, but what the hell… I'm very sore about the extra $150 for the world cup on TV!
By now you've probably figured out how convinced I am about my opinions about the land of opp…
Wait!
If you've stayed with me so far…
And you're sniggering just the way I am, wait to see what the “Indians” do to you.
Coming up in the next post…
Aah! But coming to America has to brush off somewhere! Welcome to over 400 satellite channels and a hands-free remote (it's possible, really it is)!
Merey paas hands-free remote hai… aur terey paas? See. There are some benefits after all.
As they say:
Phir miltey hain isi jageh isi samay agle hafte… Stay Tuned We Will Be Right Back After The Commercial Break
Coming up in the next post… or maybe not?